Fear of the Future: How Movement Helped Me Find Myself
What happens when you stop chasing a goal and start finding yourself
Since I was a child, I never knew how to answer the classic question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
While my classmates had clear dreams (some wanted to be doctors, architects, veterinarians, astronauts, or tailors), I always felt different and often even wrong, because I didn’t have an answer. That feeling of uncertainty and the fear of the future followed me for years — through high school and into university. I had a vague idea of what I liked and disliked, but never enough clarity to choose a defined path or a specific career.
So I decided to leave. To travel, explore, study, and work in different places. Every experience became a tool for getting to know myself better.
Movement as a Compass
Over the years, I discovered that the one thing that truly helped me (and still helps me, every single day) is Movement. More specifically, the self-exploration practices of the Feldenkrais Method and Movement Culture (by Ido Portal) helped me find an answer that finally felt true to who I am:
“When I grow up, I want to be myself.”
I’m gradually learning that what I do is not as important as how I do it. Whether I’m working on a handstand, practicing an ATM (Awareness Through Movement) lesson, organizing an event, engaging in relationships, or simply peeling potatoes for a soup, what matters is being present, bringing my most authentic (and hopefully best) self into whatever I do.
Rethinking the Question
Looking back, I now realize the real problem wasn’t the question itself but how I framed it. I felt like I had to fit into a pre-defined box, like I had to reduce myself to being a job title. Truth is I simply want to be a human being, in constant exploration and evolution. I want to live this life journey with curiosity and openness, embracing the experiences that feel enriching, making all the mistakes I need to grow into something better.
