Fear of the future and how i overcame it (almost)

Since when I was little, I never knew what I wanted to be as an adult.

Many of my friends at school already knew they wanted to be doctors, architects, astronauts, tailors, etc. I always felt different and somewhat wrong for not having an answer about my future. 

That fear accompanied me for many years, well into high school and university. I roughly knew what I liked and what I did not like but it was never enough for me to choose a specific pathway or job. I therefore decided to travel in different parts of the world, tried different studies and practices and worked different jobs. I used experiences as a tool to get to know myself better.

The tools that helped me the most – and still do, on a daily basis – to find my answer to the dreadful question “what do you want to be when you grow up?” are Feldenkrais and Movement. It is thanks to these practices that I can finally say that my answer is that “when I grow up, I just want to be me”. Through these self-exploration movement practices, I understood that it does not really matter to me what I do but how I do it. Whether it is trying a handstand, practicing an ATM lesson, organising an event or peeling potatoes for my soup, I want to be able to be myself, possibly the best version of myself. I want to spend my time in contact with myself and express what I am with everything I do. 

I now know that my problem was not the question itself but the fact that it was forcing me to slot myself into a set category; but I do not want to define what I am with a job title. I just want to be a human being, in constant exploration and evolution; and I want to enjoy this life journey with curiosity and openness, trying all the experiences I feel can be good and enriching for me, failing all the times I need in order to become a better creature.